I'd like to thank the Academy...

Thank you to Jen at Waiting for Bambino and to Melba who originally awarded me with the Beautiful Blogger Award, and I hope they both know that the feeling is mutual.

The only person I want to give this award to at the moment is H.  She has endured a really rough month, and I am so very inspired by her courage.  She is a true Steel Magnolia and I am very proud of the true Gut Faith she has shown the last few weeks.  It is my most sincere hope that the baby that is hers will find her very soon.  We share a hope in the Lord and as a sister in Christ, I pray for her, love her and honor her in this very difficult time.  Take a moment if you can to give her a bit of love, as she deserves to be lifted up in our prayers tonight and in our thoughts always.

Seven Random things:
7. I am a hilarious drunk.  I've only really been that way a couple times, but there is singing in Spanish involved in both instances.

6.  I love it when children are themselves.  I find an honest child moment to be so much more endearing than a well behaved child.

5.  My favorite thing about being a mother is the way my son smiles at me and babels his version of " I love you"  It is so heart melting and awesome.

4.  When I clean the house, I clean in my pj's and don't shower until I'm finished.  I love being the first person to get ready in the clean bathroom. :D

3.  I am writing  a book.

2.  I always manage to take my socks off in the middle of the night, there is always a collection at the foot of the bed when we change the sheets.

1.  I love being a Stay at Home Mom.  I have never had a career that is better than this.  I feel like I'm living my dreams.

So, When are you going to go on the list for another baby?

Dear Friends, please know I'm not blogging about you.(It is perfectly fine for friends and family to ask this question, at least to me.) It is a good question, I'm sure people ask it when you give birth as well, it just sounds more like this: "so, when are you going to have another baby?"


But for fringe people who just happen to know that we're adopting J. It seems like they think I'm a collector or a baby hoarder or something. And they ask like the last 15 months of waiting has been no big deal. I've said before I'm a one thing at a time kind of girl. I'm sure there will be a time when it just seems like the "right" time. That time is just not right now.

We have a meeting with a lawyer to sign the Adoption Petition on Wednesday, It seems so intimidating to say that we're Petitioning the Superior Court of our county. Exciting but intimidating. My mom's cousin is a Los Angeles Superior Court Judge and he's the nicest guy in the world. So, hopefully we'll get a Judge like him.

So I suppose the answer to the question is: at least after we finalize this one.

Lord, Please continue to give H & D peace as they wait for their son to become their son. I pray earnestly that your will be done, and that what ever happens you are glorified through the events as they take place.
Amen


Blog PS. Justice William W. Bedsworth writes a blog that is HILARIOUS and informative at the same time. Sometimes it's not funny, but he manages to make things very readable and interesting that others would find dry. A Criminal Waste of Space

Finding Courage

Ever have a thing happen that bothers you for years? It happens and you're wounded for years and every time you pass the place where it happens you get a little sick inside?

My birthday Feb. 5, 2002: I was working for a dentist on the East Side, and had been there about 18 months. While he wasn't the most awesome boss I'd ever had, he was ok, and I wasn't planning to quit. He was having a slow time due to the economic downturn after the events of September 11, 2001 and Boeing had just gone through a layoff.

My birthday rolled around, and we had a little lunch and a cake. Then at the end of the day he called me into his office and layed me off. It felt like getting fired. And it was my birthday. Not the day before my birthday, not the week of my birthday, it was my birthday.

Jerk.

I was a bit of a wreck to say the least. He then jerked me around about vacation, I had to write him a letter and sent a copy to my parent's friend who is an attorney. That shaped him up. I never would have sued him, but he needed to know that I wasn't going to let it go, I had earned that pay.

So, what is the point and how does this apply to the theme of this journal?

J. has given me strength. I am his mother and when you're someone's mother you can't walk around the pretty town and shrink like a wilted Pansy when you walk by the building where you used to work. You just can't.

It took me three tries. I walked past with J. and Chief three weeks in a row...once I'd even walked halfway up the drive and turned my tail in fear and left. Even the time I finally walked through the door, I almost bailed out. I mean, this man had ruined my birthday for years! And I drive past this place to go to church, I can see it from my church...well nearly... I know it's there hiding behind the other building...

I needed to go in and deal with my feelings. And, I wanted to get in touch with a friend from there. So, I turned back around and tied the dog to the post and went in.(J and our friend L. in her stroller) I talked to the receptionist for a moment and gave her my information to give to my old friend, and then asked to see the Dr.

He came out and looked like he'd seen a ghost. He was afraid of me after all these years. Seriously? He looked even shorter and smaller than he actually was. I looked at him and realized I didn't need to say anything about what had happened in the past. He was reliving it right then. So, I introduced him to my baby and my dog and explained who L. was, asked him about his family and then left.

Feeling lighter than I had in years. I can walk past that building and it's just a place I used to work. No more sick. No more bitter feelings and my first birthday as a mother was Awesome!

Dear Lord Jesus,
Thank you for giving me spine enough to see how small a man I used to work for, how with you I need not fear any one. That I am strong in you, and as a mom. Because while a mother can't be afraid, I know it was you that gave me the final shove to be stronger than I was in that moment. And you gave me the strength to be gracious. To be kind and polite and even nice to a man who had treated me horribly on top of meanly. Thank you for helping me live your word without realizing it at the time. I think that's how we know it's really you. Our response to stimuli is different than our nature would have us respond.
You truly are an amazing God. And I am changed in your presence.
Amen

Then again, maybe I won't take a break.

I want to be an encouragement to others, I always want to be encouraging, even to the point of relaying my selfishness to others, but in doing so sometimes it sounds like (Boasting? Judgement? condescension?) you pick.

I am not a judgmental person, if someone asks my opinion I give it. I don't expect them to like it, or to go with my opinion. I tell it the way I see it, and if they're asking me a question about how I do something, I tell them like I did it. Sometimes I forget that people aren't like me. They don't just go with their own gut even when people tell them they did it differently. I just assume people want the story. I forget that sometimes when people ask for your story/take that they are in the most stressful situation of their life and just want someone to hold their hand, to pray for them and to take care of their feelings.

I'm sorry if I failed in that sense today or yesterday.

I'm taking a blog hiatus

friend me at http://kittyc1978.livejournal.com/ if you have an LJ...if not you can comment on public entries with your open id there.

The Net...does it bring out the best in you?

I try to blog with a conscience. I try to avoid attacking others and posting the worst side of myself, the dark and sinful thoughts that come out of no where that really come directly from my sin-nature. I was reading this and wondered, do the people who do constantly post harsh things ever think about what their words reflect on themselves? That their words paint them to be a person I wouldn't smile at on the street? Do they care?

I do care. When I walk down a street in Seattle I smile at people, and I'd like it if they smiled back.

From this point forward when I encounter those harsh posts, I am going to make an effort to do two things:

1. Not comment.
2. If I must comment, do so with a kind spirit not one that grows the darkness

Little Boy

Just a few moments ago I was sitting on my couch feeding my little boy and looking into his big blue eyes and for just a second I saw the big boy he is going to become. He's wearing overalls and shoes that are a bit too big for him today and my minds eye jumped forward to a 4 year old in the same clothes with a cap on sideways or something and I couldn't help but smile. Visions of T-ball and tricycles danced in my head and I was reminded again how good God is. How he answered my secret (Well not extremely publicized) desire for a son. I love little girls, but to me there is nothing that makes me smile bigger than a naughty little boy. Not the obnoxious terrible child naughty, just the "get into trouble" Dennis the Menace kind of naughty. The kind of naughty that most little boys can't help being. Curious and energetic and just plain fun.

Thank you Lord, for giving me a son. I love him from the tips of his hair to the toes of his stinky little feet. You've put a miracle in my life, you've made me a mother, you've made us a family and for J. and his birthfamily I thank you.
Amen